Chapter 14: Holy Shit...

Memories are funny. There are so many memories in my head that are divided into extremes- some terrible and some great. There's not many memories I can access that fit into a "mediocre" category.

The first Christmas without my dad was a strange one- it was both amazing and horrible at the same time. It doesn't fit into any of the compartments that already exist. It stands alone and draws a giant red line between a simile time and a drastically traumatic time that would become our new normal.

Looking back now, it was a day that became sacred in my life. Yes, it was quite somber since we knew life was about to flip upside down (yes that's from Fresh Prince), but it was also magical. Christmas morning was quite literally the very last day of our "good life". Its like the day before you find out Santa Clause isn't real, and there is no magic, that everything is just a mask. It was the last day when life was safe, fun, full of possibilities, and open to our wildest dreams. Christmas Day was the last day of innocence, and tomorrow would bring a life consumed with surviving this ongoing ever-changing nightmare.

3 Day After Christmas:

"I wonder where your dad is," Mom asks.

"Wherever he is he isn't in a hospital. Mom we need to start doing some research. We need to figure out what he's up to. Do you have his mail? We need to go through it."

"I know," says my mom, knowing that it would take more courage than any one person is usually capable of.

Then my cell phone rings. The screen lights up BLOCKED. Well shit. This will not be good. So I take a deep breath and answer with dread dripping off my tongue.

"This is Samantha."

"Sam its Dad," he says.

Going completely cold and emotionless I reply, "Where are you?"

"I don't know baby. I've been wondering around looking for my rental car for a couple days."

"Why aren't you at the hospital?"

"When your sister told me you filed a missing person's report I got scared and I left the hospital right after I talked to you," he explains.


Seriously? Thats the best he could come up with? I mean we've got some serious soap opera shit going on here. He could have gone with a number of things to expand the coma story. I mean he could have gone all the way to I died and came back to life at this point. Besides the fact that people that are on the up and up don't usually run from the cops. But I let this little fact slip and try to trip him up on his story.

"You mean to tell me you have been wondering the streets in a hospital gown in Pennsylvania in the month of December for three days? Its like 2 below there Dad."

"I just..I uh..I just want to come home," he pleads.

"How do you suppose you're going to get here?"

"Well I was hoping you would western Union me some money so I can get a flight home."

"Hold on Dad," I tell him as I confer with my mom.

"Mom, he wants me to give him money to get home. What do you want me to say?"

"I don't want him here. I don't what him anywhere near me," Mom replies with as little emotion as humanly possible.

"Dad, where's your car? Did you find it?"

"Ya. Its here at the hotel."

Um okay. A hotel. I'm gonna let that one go for now. At this point my mom and I had had many conversations about what we would do in this exact situation- him asking to come back. We were both in agreement that we needed to give him some tough love. It was time for him to fix this, not us.

"I'm not sending you money Dad. You're going to figure out how to get back," I tell him.

"I dont' have a dime baby, my wallet and everything is gone. I left everything at the hospital."

BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT.

"Where does Aunt Darlene live again Dad?"

"Virginia."

"Go to Virginia. Go to Aunt D," I demand of him.

"How do I get there Sam?  I can't even buy a tank of gas?"

"Ask her for gas money because we aren't giving you a dime. You know you left Mom with $3 in the bank account? She didn't even have money for Christmas dinner Dad. If I'm going to give anyone money its going to be Mom and the kids. Dad?"

"Ya baby."

"Are you on drugs?" I question.

"NO! God Sam. I've been in a coma! I almost died! I can't believe you would ask me that! You know what? I WILL go to Darlene's and she'll see and she'll tell you how wrong you are!!" he screams at me.

"Okay Dad. I hope that's true. Call me when you get to Aunt D's."

"Love you baby."

"Goodbye Dad."

As I recall the entire conversation with my mom, her phone rings. Damn the phone- its never good when that thing rings.

"Hello. No he's not here," mom says and listens intently to the caller as her face slowly changes from stoic to complete and utter shock.

"My husband left us. He left us before Christmas with no money. He's been with other women and he just abandoned us," she says with panic mounting in her voice.

"Okay, okay. thank you," mom says scribbling down numbers and names on the closest napkin.

She hangs up the phone and takes a moment. A moment of silence before yet another brick of our well build lives will crash to the ground.

"What Mom?"

"The car your dad is driving hasn't been paid. Its a rental and he's had it for weeks without paying. They reported it stolen. He's driving in a stolen vehicle."

That moment the phone rings again and Mom picks it up without a glance.

OKAY PAUSE. I know what you're thinking. This can't possibly be true, right? You have to be making this up. Well, folks, I wish it was all fantasy. But its not. This shit really did happen exactly like this. And it sucked. Like a lot.

"What do you mean?" Mom says with a small pool of tears forming upon her eyelids.

"Two years? Are you sure?" She questions.

All I can do at this moment is stare at her. I'm not sure if I can hear much more. I'm not sure I wont go into shock or faint. Or both.

"How much time do we have?" she asks as tears start to stream down her face.

"Okay. Thank you. Goodbye."

"Mom what's wrong. Who was that?" I question moving toward her to give her a hug.

"They're going to take the house," she says frozen in my arms.

"What do you mean? Who's going to take the house?" I ask.

"Your Dad. He hasn't paid the mortgage in 2 years. The bank is going to take the house. We don't have much time. We need to get out before they change the locks."

HOLY SHIT...